Truly Loveless?
by Yamashita Miharu
Summary: Soubi and Ristuka reflect on a lot of memories and thoughts. Everything from Seimei to losing Ritsuka's ears. One shot


**I don't own any of the Loveless characters or any of that jazz…**

**Truly Loveless?**

They walked together down a long and straight paved path in Yamashita Park, surrounded by rows of sakura trees. Occasionally, a petal or two would break from it's stalk and drift down, dancing on the wind until it landed at their feet.

Ritsuka occasionally stole a glance up at Soubi – his fighter. His protector. Soubi did the same, smiling contently to himself when he caught Ritsuka's eyes straddling him.

'Do you remember when we first met?' Soubi asked. '3 years ago? You were only 12 back then.'

'How could I forget?' Ritsuka said. 'You approached me outside my school and frankly, you scared the shit out of me. You're lucky I was young.'

'What do you mean by that?' Soubi asked.

'I mean that if some weird guy approached me today and said he knew my brother and he loved me, I'd kick his ass.'

Soubi let out a laugh. Ritsuka couldn't help but laugh, too. He liked it when Soubi showed his emotions.

The conversation halted for several seconds, but both man and boy were comfortable in this amiable silence, the sakura petals fluttering around them.

Soubi wrapped a protective arm around Ritsuka's shoulder. This gesture was met with no reaction, except to keep walking by Soubi's side. Soubi uttered a small, amused 'hm'. When they had first met, such an action would have started a one-sided screaming match. Soubi decided to see how far he could go out of cruel amusement.

After a while, Ritsuka felt a familiar sensation on his head. Soubi held his ear firmly between his thumb and first two fingers, stroking it and rubbing it. Ritsuka felt the blood rush to his ears.

'Oh.' Soubi said. 'Your ears are getting warmer.' This didn't help the situation. Ritsuka shook his cat ears free, but Soubi stroked the fur on them again.

'You're 15 and still have your ears?' Soubi asked cruelly. Ritsuka cringed, his face flushing a cute shade of scarlet.

'Yeah.' He muttered. 'So?'

'I'd have thought you'd have lost them by now.'

'Did you lose your ears when you were 15?' Ritsuka asked.

'No.' Soubi replied honestly. '17.'

'Then I shouldn't have any pressure on me!' Ritsuka moaned, reverting to a childlike voice unwillingly. Soubi laughed.

'I'm sorry, Ritsuka.' He said, laying a hand on his shoulder. 'I just meant since…all the girls in your class like you, you know.' Ritsuka dismissed this statement. He didn't really care, to be honest.

Ritsuka felt comfort in the gesture of Soubi's hand landing on his shoulder, whereas before, he would have thrown Soubi off and ran angrily away. His cat ears twitched as a sakura petal brushed one.

Soubi felt himself smile at Ritsuka's cuteness. His feminine features were becoming slightly more matured, including his previously huge eyes. Their brilliant purple colour had always fascinated Soubi. The silence fell again.

'Ritsuka, do you ever think of the way things used to be?' Soubi asked.

'What do you mean?' He asked, not looking at Soubi.

'I mean, before I showed up. And when your brother was still here.'

'I can't remember the times I spent with Seimei. You know that.' Ritsuka hissed, but tried not to sound too snappy.

'Would you exchange me for him?' Soubi asked calmly. Ritsuka looked at him, trying to see if he really wanted an answer. He apparently did.

'Well, I would have when we first met.' Ritsuka said. 'But…'

'But you wouldn't now?'

'…But from what I've heard from you and Kio, he wasn't very nice. I seemed to be the only one he was nice to. And I'm sure he's happy where he is now…'

Soubi nodded slowly. 'As long as you're happy, I'm happy, Ritsuka. You know that, don't you?'

Ritsuka nodded. He suddenly had an urge to take Soubi's hand. He didn't know why – probably to comfort him from what he was about to say. He brushed his fingers against Soubi's, who immediately grasped his hand. They both smiled to themselves. It was times like this, Soubi knew, the ones that didn't require words, that were the most precious.

'Soubi.' Ritsuka began. 'Was my brother nice to you?' He immediately regretted asking when he felt Soubi's grip tighten. Soubi thought of how to answer.

'I loved Seimei, you know.' Soubi began. Ritsuka nodded. 'I have many scars from him. Some physical and some not. Most notably, I was scarred when he died.' Ritsuka patiently waited for him to continue. 'But I also have many scars from you, Ritsuka.' He said. 'Although you are my sacrifice, I seem to sustain more of the blows.'

'I'm sorry.' Ritsuka said.

'No, it's alright.' Soubi continued. 'Physical pain is nothing to me. You know that old story, don't you?'

Ritsuka nodded vigorously. He couldn't bear to hear it again.

'It's just that sometimes, I can't let you get scarred. Not yet, anyway.'

'Do you think we'll be together, like…always?' Ritsuka asked. He laughed at how childish the question had sounded. Soubi laughed too.

'I hope so, yes.' Soubi said. 'Unless Loveless' true fighter shows up. Then I will have no choice but to leave.'

Ritsuka felt a pang inside his chest. It was true. Beloved and Loveless were total opposites…

'Would you leave me that easily?' He asked. Soubi didn't reply for several seconds.

'I would do anything for you, Ritsuka.' He said. 'I'm sure I've proved that a few times. And I would be very reluctant to leave your side.' Ritsuka nodded. Indeed, Soubi would die for him. He was a great fighter. A great protector.

'If Seimei came back, would you kill me if he told you to?'

Soubi stared straight ahead. 'You've asked me that before, Ritsuka. A long time ago. Can you remember my answer?'

'I was just checking you remembered.' Ritsuka said. 'And I want to hear the answer again.'

'If Seimei came back and told me to kill you, I would.' Soubi said. 'But I would die first.'

Ritsuka found deep comfort in these words.

Suddenly, Ritsuka felt himself being forcibly shoved off the path to the grassy side area and felt Soubi lying over him as he thudded onto the grass.

'My head!' He shouted angrily. Soubi ignored him. Ritsuka looked up at Soubi, whose figure blocked out the painful glare from the sun.

'I love you Ritsuka.' He whispered. He bent down to the teenager and pressed his lips against Ritsuka's, letting the warmth he hadn't felt for so long envelop him. He lifted Ritsuka's back up off the grass slightly, just so he could feel him go weak and limp in his arms. He lay him back down gently.

Ritsuka slowly and drowsily opened his eyes. He stared into Soubi's. It had been about a year since Soubi had last said 'I love you' to him. He had protested so much that Soubi had simply stopped saying it one day, just as he found himself longing to hear it again. He felt complete.

'Soubi…You haven't said…for so long…'

Soubi smiled. 'You missed it, didn't you Ritsu?' Ritsuka saw no point in denial. He nodded, his hair falling off his forehead and onto the grass. Soubi studied the boy under him. It had also been a long time since he had kissed him.

'I'm about to ask you a very important question, Ritsuka.' Soubi said. Ritsuka knew what was coming.

'Do you remember when we first met, and you saw I had no ears? And you thought I was going to take yours?' He stifled a chuckle. Ritsuka's face flushed that cute scarlet again. He nodded timidly. 'And I said we would wait until you were a little older?' He nodded more nervously now.

'Ritsuka.' Soubi said, more serious than Ritsuka had ever hear him speak before. 'Do you want me to take your ears?'

Ritsuka didn't reply. He pondered on his answer. For a while, he seriously contemplated on saying the opposite answer to the one that escaped his lips.

'No.' He said firmly.

'Not yet?' Soubi asked. 'Or no?'

Ritsuka didn't reply. That was satisfactory enough for Soubi, who leant down and kissed him again. 'Ok.' He whispered into Ritsuka's human ears. 'If it's what you want.'

As Soubi got off him, and instead lay on the grass beside him, Ritsuka caught a glance of the word 'Beloved' scratched deeply into his fighter's skin, across his neck and collarbone.

Soubi noticed him staring, and undid the first few buttons of his shirt. Ritsuka wriggled away a few inches, but Soubi lunged forward and grabbed the boy's hand, and made him touch the deep scars. He ran Ritsuka's soft hands over the marks several times. Ritsuka's eyes wrinkled and he turned his head away. He tugged his hand free.

'Did it hurt?' Ritsuka asked timidly. Soubi sighed. 'Yes.' He said. 'Very much so. But you know what? I didn't care. These marks were inflicted by a person I loved. Therefore, I loved the marks. And I beared the pain.'

Ritsuka stared at them. His brother had inflicted so much pain on his friend…his fighter.

Ritsuka also thought of the deep whip-induced lash marks all over Soubi's back. _They_ would have hurt.

He felt tears come to his eyes, and roll down his cheeks. He tried to control himself, but couldn't. And when Soubi had reached forward and held his shoulders, he didn't resist. He allowed Soubi to pull him towards his chest, and cradle him while he cried.

'I really did love your brother.' Soubi said, as if reading Ritsuka's mind. 'I didn't think he was bad. And if you wanted to, I would allow you to break open this wound and drink the blood. And keep breaking it every time it went to heal.'

'But he was bad, Soubi.' Ritsuka sobbed. 'He was…_horrible_. Cruel. _Merciless_! I _don't want a brother like that_!' He wailed as more tears rampaged out.

'To Seimei, I was a tool.' Soubi said, using his thumb to wipe tears off his sacrifices face tenderly. 'Nothing more than a slave to abuse.' Ritsuka cried more. 'But to you…What am I, Ritsuka?'

Ritsuka turned into Soubi's chest, burying his face in the warmth and crying into his shirt.

'A friend.' The muffled voice answered a few seconds later. Soubi smiled and stroked Ritsuka's hair.

Soubi held Ritsuka tightly, more sure now than ever of the fact that he was die for him. He had a faint feeling that he would do the same, but he didn't want that to happen.

_Yes_. Ritsuka had often thought to himself. _Soubi was a great, strong and courageous fighter, but an even better friend._

The next coherent sound Ritsuka was to make stunned even Soubi, who rarely showed emotion. He had never had these words spoken to him before, let alone from Ritsuka. The same boy that had almost hated him three years ago.

Ritsuka was no longer sad, but still the tears came out. He felt now that he knew the meaning of the word that had caused him so much pain, confusion and upset in the earlier stages of his life. He was now able to decipher its mysterious code, and put it to good use.

From Soubi's tear-soaked shirt came a muffled, yet to Soubi, crystal clear, sob.

'I love you, Soubi.'

Ritsuka suddenly leapt form his protective cocoon, throwing his arms around Soubi's neck. He took Soubi by surprise, knocking him backwards. His head was now buried in Soubi's shoulder. Soubi, out of shock, couldn't reply for several seconds, but it seemed he didn't need to. Ritsuka was still crying into his shirt, the grip around Soubi's neck extremely needy and suffocating.

'I love you too, Ritsuka.' He said clearly, so the crying boy could hear him over his wails of desperation. Soubi supposed he was crying because he found it hard to express his emotions – much like himself. And he felt tears come to his own eyes, for the first time in years.

'Loveless…' he whispered, burying his hand under the black hair on Ritsuka's head, and wrapping the other around his back and holding him protectively and comfortingly close.

**Hey! I watched the Loveless anime series in one day, and thought it was so sweet! Let me know what you think of my first Loveless fanfic. **

**Yamashita Miharu xxx**


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